She is a girl or a woman?…

Here at an unknown corner of China, the wind is coldly blowing her bare feet. Outside, more people are constructing in the dust than those who are celebrating Xmas of 2014. Yet right now she can’t stop thinking of a question: What exactly makes a girl become a woman?

Why? Because she is nobody’s, from nowhere. She is twenty-eight, remains an orphan and a yellow flower leftover on the roadside. Nobody can look into her eyes and tell her directly whether she is now a woman or a girl.

Thus, she remembers her mother’s face and some of her words. Even though her face now is rather vague yet her words still echoing and haunting her world. Particularly, one sleepless night, before her mother fell asleep so deeply that she never woke up and that she herself, at ten, never thought of death and being all alone, she was told, If you bleed between your legs, you are no longer the same girl. You would be a woman, a woman who can breed like I have you. Remember, don’t be afraid and don’t be a silly girl but a strong woman. Be a woman, a real woman!

Without any education or anyone to be with, about three years after that night, her period came long before she understood a drop of blood or a single word of her mother’s. Seeing the blood and suffering from the pains, she was so scared she almost fainted away on the very first day. Only reciting her mother’s words could make her feel alive. Now that I am a woman, she thought, be a real strong woman. Don’t be afraid…

Ever since she was born, she was told to be strong. However bad the circumstance was, she survived like a piece of steel that never rusts. Nevertheless, she still puzzles. –

As a woman, why can’t she reach the conception of a woman? As a woman, why can’t she breed anyone like her mother said? As a woman, why sometimes she still feels like a little girl who is afraid of the unknown as she was sometimes? As a woman, why would she shed more and more tears and why can’t she feel as strong as before? …

She then starts doubting whatever comes in her mind, especially her own identity between a girl and a woman and the deep thoughts, even her belief that has rooted her whole life. The colder she feels, the more she doubts. Far before she can realize anything sensible, a choice is being made and a day of revolution is coming soon.

To be continued…

3 thoughts on “She is a girl or a woman?…

    • Heather Cai says:

      Thank you Narble for reading, liking and commenting. I agree with your point. It’s sort of confusion that I’ve been exploring based on the reality in China. I will continue the story sometime when I free. I am so glad to hear your precious idea from your heart. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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