The Maze Thinker

Trying to find a way through the maze in colors...

Trying to find a way through the maze in colors…

For about ten years, working as a watcher in a factory, my father has been collecting everything that worths of every single penny. On Tomb Sweeping Day(Apr 5th,2015), he was using a fruit knife to separate the wires from the skin to the copper. Just because the price is slightly different. Staring at the colorful lines, my thoughts became thicker and thicker…

And gradually, even something is making me lose the will to eat and something is eating me little by little; I don’t know if “something” is called the sudden depression.

Certainly, there are many things going on and on. Yet nothing is really cheerful unless the fucking book gets published. However, time and patience are essential, I know. Just the moment makes me feel that I am living in a black hole, bottomless.

Thinking of each word I’ve heard from each visit to my family, each word is like a cold black mountain. – Getting a job and finding a husband, now become a topic that is absolute. Even my mother who never utters a word in my ears, now repeats, Find a husband, just find a husband, a good husband…

Seemingly, all the things happening distract my attention from doing what I want, not only writing. As if all the things happening have something to do with the absolute topic, the definite allergy, for which now almost every morning I wake up with tears. Why not just leave me alone? Sometimes, in my dream I even can hear myself screaming like The Scream.

Munch - The Scream

Munch – The Scream (Source: Google)

Sorry, I should share some happy photos from the trip. But more than 9000 pics make me no choice that I have to sort out first and it takes longer than usual…

2 thoughts on “The Maze Thinker

  1. narble says:

    Doubt and fear are strong enemies. As Yoda from Star Wars said: “Do–or do not. There is no try.” Such is writing. A Cheyenne proverb: “A warrior waits without anticipation.” Such is writing. And life.

    Liked by 1 person

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