The Fucking Book – Less Than Mystery – Part One – The Dwarf – Chapter One (2)

The dirt house, where "The Dwarf" grew up.

Foreword: Personally, it is more like reopening an old wound to the world, sometimes like revealing an ancient treasured tomb that me, myself and I have been protecting, sometimes even like digging a future grave for myself, one shovel at a time, since the very beginning.

Strangely, though the “wound” has eventually become a sign of love, as if the final answer to my prayers. I’m so grateful for that. Before I wasn’t sure about doing this, revealing some of my old history of that dark world. But sooner or later, (I’d rather sooner than later), with no choice, I have to. F*ck it.  Don’t I?


 

Less Than Mystery

Heather Cai

Chapter 1

Better not. We are the eggs. They are the knives. We would be broken even before we could touch them. Anyway, – (Click the link if you want to read the very beginning! :D)

I thought that was it. But it was not. About three years later, I got pregnant again and had your next sister. I guessed it must be that in my last life I was a sinner, and so in this life I deserved to be punished and tortured.

As you know, we are big family and always short of food. I had no time to take good care of you. Even though I had milk I couldnt breast feed you, either. Your sister was less than two years older than you and she needed milk too. When finally we finished building our dirt house, I was pregnant and then gave birth to your brother. Thanks to him, I got more food to eat and so more milk to feed him because your grandma saw it was a boy and so helped us.

How could grandma be so mean to you, to us? Thats not right, not fair! Mom, how could you bear all of this into silence?

Dont blame her. Any grandma in the village would do the same. Just that I havent given birth to enough boys.

And why is that? Why boys, mom? Havent we girls been good enough to our family?

Yes, Lotus. You and your sisters are all good girls. But it has nothing to do with that. Its just that you were born girls rather than boys. Maybe thats why you have been beaten so badly. There were times when your father saw you and your brother crying for milk, I told him to hold you for a second. But soon his anger pushed him to crush you and throw you hard back onto the bed. Once or twice, it could have killed you. I was so afraid. Oh, my poor Lotus~~

Like a dandelion to a piece of land, she pulled me to her laps and choked with sobs.

Dont cry, mom. Dont cry… My heart was broken and bleeding. My throat was dry and sour. While wiping her tears, I held mine, mumbling, Why me? Why us? What to do?

Nothing. Just accept it as your destiny as I did. Dont be angry at anyone. Anger does no good to your health. And –

Not only you. Your grandma even wanted to send away your old sister when she was born. I strongly disagreed. But with you, I had no choice. If I had insisted to keep you with me, you would have starved to death. You were so fragile and weak. You needed more nutrition than other children. And after several months, when I visited the family, it turned out right and you looked much healthier. I begged the family; your grandma and your father, to have you return home, that’s why you are here now…

The rest I just listened quietly, each word was like a needle that could heal my wounds little by little but at the same time, it also bred new wounds with hatred towards a strong overwhelming corrupted force.

Since then, I spoke less and less. (Click the link if you want to read more!)

* * * * *

–To be continued…


PS:

If anyone who simply likes reading the words, the language, the story, or wants to know more about the character, the mysteries and my world, please feel free to like or comment. Any kind of remark will be highly appreciated.

If any agent or publisher, or anyone who has any connection with any agent or any publisher, would be interested in this Fucking Book, please contact this email:

FB.Heather@Outlook.com

Thank you so much!

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8 thoughts on “The Fucking Book – Less Than Mystery – Part One – The Dwarf – Chapter One (2)

  1. joliesattic says:

    It was painful to read. Some of us have suffered, not because of cultural beliefs and attitudes about a woman’s value, but for other reasons; nonetheless breaking free of that is heroic and I so appreciate your candor in sharing your life with us.

    Liked by 1 person

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