Bumps | 颠簸

Frightened, 2015.5.12 | 《害怕》

 

“Little shit, useless! Little shit, useless!”

My father would shout this when he beat me with a dustpan – my earliest memory. He hated me being born as a dwarf, particularly a female one. He didn’t stop beating me until one day he almost beat my mother to death.

 

Patriarchy, 2015.5.20 | 《父权社会》

 

Influenced by such violence in a patriarchal family, where all parents favored a boy over a girl, my brother also liked bullying me. He learned to beat me till one day he was scared when he cut my forearm deep with a scar.

 

Scar, 2015.7.9 | 《伤痕》

The Scar, 2019.10.19 | 《那道疤痕》

 

Years of my mother staying unwell in bed gave me more chance to do farm work, housework and take care of two young sisters. And that somehow made me useful in my father’s eye.

 

Family, 2015.5.13 | 《家庭》

 

When mother got better, I started school at ten. Things were fine till Grade Five when my Chinese teacher doubted my writing, “Have you copied this from an Essay Book?” I said no. He then left a striking red mark: Whether or not you have cribbed your article off a book, you know the best! 

 

Vulnerability, 2015.5.12 | 《脆弱》

 

My private Shenzhen library built from a dormitory window that liked receiving wind and rain uninvited, 2013.9 | 《我的深圳私人藏书屋》

 

The irony was that I didn’t even have a book. To prove myself, I insisted on joining a writing competition, which no one believed I should. In the end I won First Prize in the whole district. I thought that would make people look at me differently, but it didn’t. Their silence was confusing.

 

Confusion, 2015.4.17 | 《困惑》

 

Nonetheless, I kept studying hard and being a good student. This didn’t change until a kidney stone that almost needed surgery in high school made me start wondering: What was the point of being good? What had good writing done for me? Why should I meet an expectation that was not mine? Why not just listen to myself?

 

Be Wild, 2015.3.18 | 《自然野》

 

Therefore I half listened to my father about becoming a teacher. But behind his back I chose Hainan Island for my college life. This was strongly against his wishes because it was too far away. For days, he didn’t sleep or eat much. At last, he gave me a thick roll of thirty-eight hundred cash and told me with red wet eyes, “This is all I have. Don’t come home until you can afford it.”

Father, 2015.4.25 | 《父亲》

 

I assured him, “Don’t worry. The school offers a five-thousand loan every year.” 

But I could never tell him that the loan was a lie. How could I?

 

My grandfather’s Medal Awarded From the Korea War, 1954 | 《爷爷的抗美援朝纪念章》

 

Owing half my tuition fees, I had to constantly take different part-time jobs. Yet my salary was never enough to pay off my debt. When the time came to register for the second year, the administrator refused me unless I paid off everything. Accordingly I showed him these two things: “Look, this is my grandfather’s medal awarded from the Korea War and his Military Certificate authorized by the renowned General Chen Yi. It clearly says, His family get preferential treatment.”

 

My grandfather’s Military Certificate, 1951 | 《爷爷的革命军人证明书：司令员 陈毅》

 

“Is he still alive?” He sneered.

“No… please!” I suddenly knelt down. “My grandfather had fought many wars and sacrificed a lot. He had become crippled and deaf, and almost been killed on the battlefield. His greatest wish was to see me graduate from college.”

“Your grandpa is dead. What’s the use of all this?”

 

Sob, 2015.7.7 | 《哭诉》

 

I got up slowly, pulling myself together. I began to make phone calls and borrow money. This made me sick. When I asked for a raise after three years of working for my first company, the boss killed me as a chicken to scare the monkey. And later in the second company, I found my basic salary had been underpaid for six months. What the hell made people do that to me?

 

Mankind, 2015.5.6 | 《人》

 

Unhesitatingly I quit my full-time job to chase my writing dream. Had I not been framed by a world where the colors are drawn by child abuse, sexist bullies, social suspicions and human unkindness, would I struggle even now to tell the bumps of my life stories? 

 

A Framed Life, 2015.7.11 | 《一个被设限的生命》

 

I’m not going to ask ‘Why me?’. Because it is not just me. It is a bunch of mes. But what bumps do you have and what impacts do they have on you?

 

Hope, 2015.7.5 | 《希望》

 

 

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—Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club Still Drives Me Crazy, 2019.10.19 | 《上海头马依旧让我痴狂》

 

Related article：Transformations

Last article 上一篇:  Going Abroad For The First Time

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Bumps 颠簸  

 Ashamed or Proud? 羞耻还是自豪？ 

Writer’s Block 创作灵感障碍   

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My First Publication 第一次出版  

My First Exhibition 第一个画展

How Can Art Be Healing艺术如何疗愈 

 

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Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her friends, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的朋友们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！

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Heather Cai is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently working for Shanghai Taichi Center.

希瑟·蔡太莲是福建一个自给自足稻农的女儿。她作为穷人的穷人之一，讲述的故事来自最底层的仰望。她写就她的梦想与世界分享一些个人独特的亲身经历。她完成了两本英文文学小说，喜欢收集树叶、书本、影碟、贝壳和剪报，向往各种自然美。目前在上海从事太极文化行业，也在努力打造“阿太的密室”，集文学、艺术、文化、哲学和世界女性于一体的个人公共服务平台。

Copyright © 2019-2020 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有

Only a Decade

—“The Ring of a Decade”, Shanghai, 2019.12 | 《圈里圈外》摄于上海

 

“You are too short to teach.”

 

—“The View in a Classroom”, Shanghai, 2019.10 | 《教室一隅》摄于上海

 

A tall interviewer called me off the stage when I had just given my name. He gestured at me as if he was giving the death penalty. Teaching was the only iron rice bowl that would fit my circumstances. Now what was I supposed to do?

 

—“Teaching Kids Chess”, Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》樊老师摄于上海

 

Days before the 2009 Spring Festival, I desperately paid an agent who guaranteed me a teaching job. On Chinese New Year’s Eve, I took a smelly night train from Hainan to Guangzhou. It was a nightmare. I slept standing against a strange shoulder in the crowd without any awareness. Everyone was leaning against each other, except those who could afford a seat.

 

—“Teaching Kids Chess”, Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》樊老师摄于上海

 

The nightmare worsened when I arrived at a suburban dormitory provided by the agency. There were twelve bunk beds in a room and twelve people shared the same shower with a single toilet. Two days later, the toilet blocked. The shitty water ran all over the place. It smelled really good. No plumber would come till after the Spring Festival. Thus the daily instant noodles had no smell.

 

—“Teaching Kids Chess”, Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》朱老师摄于上海

 

This pushed me to get a job sooner. But they all rejected me for the same reason – my small size and my weak appearance. Not until one month later did I find a school that was calling for half-pay volunteers. I took it immediately.

 

—“Watching Sunset”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《看日落》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

The school was the Migrant Workers’ Children School in Shantou City. It looked like a small factory, but it had a nice cozy feel. There were seven classrooms for seven grades of students. All desks and chairs were blue plastic. All teachers were either retired or fresh graduates. At 5pm every day, we would each carry a bucket of hot water to the toilet and together stand on the squat for a quick shower. Of course, the sexes were separate.

 

—“Observing Series I”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列一》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

During the first week, two school buses took us to the three main areas where most of the workers lived. We gave them handouts like a communist would hold a farmer’s hands in the Mao era. There was a fascination in that, on the bus, I was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and, off the bus, I was experiencing a meditative moment of walking into the irregularly shabby tents that were home to them. Especially the moment when a woman bent over the waste digging gold with her face covered by flies.

 

—“Observing Series II”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列二》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

This sight motivated me to teach more responsibly and to seek more diversities in life. I noticed that the parents smiled often and the children were happy. I found my students’ neat resonant reading voices tranquilly peaceful. I was totally drawn by these books in Chinese: The Interpretation of Dreams and The Second Sex. Meantime I focused my weekends on writing my Chinese novel – An Oasis in Wasteland.

 

—“Observing Series III”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列三》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

Life then was fulfilled with originality and simplicity. I had such complete satisfaction that I felt no ending was needed by my Chinese novel. It was a perfect year of teaching. The perfection nurtured me as an oasis of spirituality. I was inspired to experience more.

 

—“Observing Series IV”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列四》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

Therefore I moved to Shenzhen, working in sales till I quit to write two English novels within four years. I then came to Shanghai out of curiosity and tried to sell insurance. I stumbled into the art world.

 

—“To Be Remembered”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《学生留念》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

However, my family claimed that I was absolutely wrong. They repeated it during my August family trip morning, noon and night. Their biting criticisms almost crushed me. I had to compromise with the idea of returning to education. Actually it felt more like the sand in my hourglass was running out and it was time to start over.

 

—“To Be Remembered”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《学生留念》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

Now I’m officially working for New Stage English and teaching international chess at different international schools. Because of this job, I have seen remote parts of Shanghai that I would never have visited.

 

—“I Love China”, Shanghai, 2019.12.25 | 《我爱中国》摄于上海青浦世外国际幼儿园

 

All this happened from 2009 to 2019. It is only a decade. Only a circle. How would you like to begin a new life, if you happen to be at the starting line?

 

 

Last article 上一篇: Our Pressures | 我们的压力

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！

---

Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片

Our Pressures | 我们的压力

— All PPT images from Bing, | 所有PPT图片来自网络

 

What is Pecha Kucha?

Pecha Kucha, “the sound of conversation” or “chit-chat” in Japanese, is a visual presentation style with automatically changing slides for 20 seconds each. It started in Tokyo in 2003, designed by architects, Astrid Klein and Mark Dytham. In a similar way to a Haiku poem, Pecha Kucha forces the creator to creatively arrange their message within a strict form. And such creativity often produces amazing results. —(Bing)

 

什么是Pecha Kucha？

Pecha Kucha 即“喋喋不休”或“闲聊”。2003年始创于日本东京，由建筑师Astrid Klein 和 Mark Dytham联合设计。它是一种快节奏的视觉呈现方式，演讲者给观众展示自动播放的幻灯片，每幅图仅有20秒的解说时间。类似俳句，Pecha Kucha迫使演讲者在严格把控的形式上创造性地去组织传递信息。这种创造力通常会产生惊人的结果。

 

 

Why are we talking about something that has nothing to do with our pressures? Because pressure is something tense, but presenting it in Pecha Kucha style was fun. I did it in Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club on August 28th, 2019.

为什么我们要谈论这个Pecha Kucha与压力无关的东西？因为压力让人精神紧绷，但用Pecha Kucha的方式来解说压力就感觉有趣多了。2019年8月28日，我在上海头马演讲舞台上体验过。

This month (August) my family told me that chasing my writing dream is a shame and a sin. My mother cried when my father said working for art is washing the toilet. Their voices still echo in my ears, and I began to sink into the black sea of life pressure, work pressure and peer pressure.

这个月（八月份），我家人告诉我追逐写作梦想是一种耻辱和罪孽。当我父亲说创作艺术就是洗厕所时，我母亲哭了。他们的声音还在我耳边回荡，我开始沉入生活压力、工作压力和同辈压力的一片黑暗海洋。

 

 

Living alone in the magic city of Shanghai, with a fast-paced lifestyle, daily crowds and monthly bills, it is unavoidable to face some difficult problems. Don’t you agree? For me, I often feel time is a knife pointing at my back, and I have to struggle to survive.

独自生活在上海大魔都，每天面对超快节奏的生活方式、拥挤的人潮和每月的账单，是不是让人喘不过气来？时间就像一把刀，老顶着我的背，我必须挣扎才能生存。

 

 

Almost every day during my last family trip, my parents, uncles and aunts would repeat the same thing. “You will end up begging on the street if you keep writing.” Can you imagine the horror in their eyes? 

上次与家人度假期间，几乎每天，我的家人亲戚都会重复同样的事情。”如果你继续写下去，你就会落败街头乞讨。” 能想象他们眼中的恐惧吗？

 

 

“Everyone is getting married. Why not you?” my family asked a million times. I kept silent. They have social pressure from the folks around them. They invited several each day for lunch or dinner, and they talked about me. The more they talked, the more face my family lost, and the more peer pressure they had.

“所有人都结婚了，为什么你还没有？” 我家人问了千万遍。我沉默不语。他们要面对周围的人给他们带来的社会压力。他们每天都邀请不同的人来家里做客吃饭，而我成了他们餐桌上必聊的那道菜。他们聊的越多，我家人感觉越丢脸，所面临的同辈压力也越大。

 

 

A Peer Group is a social group whose members have interests, social positions, and age in common. Peer Pressure is the influence exerted by a peer group, encouraging individuals to change their attitudes, values, or behavior in order to conform to group norms. —（Bing)

同龄群体是一个有着共同年龄、兴趣和身份的社会群体。同辈压力是指同龄群体给个体施加的影响，鼓励个人改变自己的行为、态度或价值观，以符合团体规范。

 

 

Well, peer pressure might influence you in a number of ways, including fashion choices, alcohol and drug use, decisions to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, choice of who your friends can be, and your daily life. Which one has affected you?

其实，同辈压力可能会影响你的方方面面，包括时尚选择、酗酒、吸毒、找对象、交朋友，以及你的日常生活。哪一个影响你最深？

 

 

Now we know people who give in to peer pressure often become psychologically weak. How to resist then? Two ways: build a positive self-image and learn to say “NO”. Don’t follow your friends blindly. Be inspired and inspire others.

 

既然我们已经知道，屈服于同辈压力的人往往在心理上变得软弱。那怎么抵抗呢？有两种方法：树立积极的自我形象，学会说“不”。不要盲目地跟随你的朋友。激发自己，激励他人。

 

 

I live for writing. I enjoy traveling. I like socializing and fashion. I like being independent and curious. I like pleasing myself. I might even like the pain of giving birth to a baby. But I never like following others or copying their lives. I wonder if the more you fight, the more peer pressure you would face?

我喜欢写作、旅行、社交、时尚和独立。我喜欢新鲜事物。我喜欢取悦自己。我甚至可能喜欢生孩子的痛。但我从来不喜欢跟随别人或照搬他们的生活。我纳闷是不是人越抵抗挣扎，面临的同辈压力就越大？

 

 

With peer pressure or social pressure, how to balance life and work? Do you plan ahead? Do you keep a journal to reduce your stress? Do you have the courage to chase your dream job and your dream life? Or are you sacrificing your time for something you don’t really want?

面对同辈压力和社会压力，如何平衡工作与生活？你有提前计划吗？你有写日记来减压吗？你有勇气追求你的理想工作和你的理想生活吗？还是在为那些你完全不想要的牺牲你宝贵的时间？

 

 

If you are stressed, what would you normally do? Would you first take care of yourself? Would you be adaptable and flexible, like bamboo – bending but not breaking? Now circumstances tell me to become a teacher again, but this only makes me work harder on my dreams.

如果有压力，你通常会做什么？你会先照顾好自己吗？你会像竹子一样灵活适应吗？现在处境告诉我不得不回归教育，但这只会让我更加努力地去追求梦想。

 

 

Pressure is a force. If we can handle our pressures properly, we can turn them into a good force. As Yuda said, “May the force be with you!” And be yourself! Don’t change but embrace all the pressures. So the right people will like the real you.

压力是一种外在驱使的力量。如果我们能妥善面对我们的压力，我们就能把压力变成一股好的力量。就像Yuda说的，“愿你的力量与你同在！” 做你自己！不要改变！拥抱所有的压力，对的人会喜欢那个真正的你。

 

—“Inclusion or Exclusion”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《排斥或包容》摄于斯里兰卡

 

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her friends, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的朋友们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！

Last article 上一篇:  How Can Art Be Healing | 艺术如何疗愈

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！

---

Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片

How Can Art Be Healing

— A test says my spiritual age is 108 years old and my psychological age 48,

 

For once, let me pretend to be that skeptical 108-year-old lady, who doesn’t care about national boundaries, religion, politics, class, race, color, language, gender and age. Pretend that this is self-experimentation. You open up to yourself in the dark. Your body melts into nothingness and your soul wanders freely. If you see your true self floating like a white dot, you might appreciate art. If art is the ultimate lifestyle of human beings, art is universal.

—“Layers of Us”, Shanghai, 2019.11.29 | 《层次不同的我们》摄于上海

—“Shades of Us”, Shanghai, 2019.11.29 | 《深浅不一的我们》摄于上海

 

That skeptical 108-year-old lady is fascinated by anything relating to people, like human touch and human nature. She believes that knowing what we are is essential for knowing what art is, and reflecting on what we’ve gone through is necessary for reflecting on why art is powerful. She also believes that understanding hurt people with empathy is helpful in understanding what healing is, and exploring the true self is vital in exploring how art can be healing. 

 

—The Healing Art Exhibition, 2019.11.16 | 平生第一个艺术展

 

WHAT IS ART?

 

Wikipedia says, “Art is a diverse range of human activities in creating visual, auditory or performing artifacts, expressing the author’s imaginative, conceptual ideas, or technical skill, intended to be appreciated for their beauty or emotional power.” But what do the illiterate farmers and that skeptical 108-year-old lady think of art?

—Sold, 2019.11.19 | 已售

 

Like my father, farmers might say art is bullshit. For they don’t have the concept of art and so understand life more pragmatically. However, that skeptical 108-year-old lady thinks art is everywhere, even in the hands of the farmers. She thinks farmers have been creating natural artworks in all seasons, such as cultivating rice terraces, without learning about art. She thinks farmers lack knowledge but not feelings, they lack opportunities but not talent. She sees art as the unseen turmoil behind happiness or beauty before chaos.

—Available, 2019.12.02 | 可出售

 

WHY IS ART POWERFUL?

 

Someone once said, “Of all the things in the world, I’d argue that Art, in its many forms, is the most inspirational. Art has a phenomenal ability to make us feel understood, empowered, and less alone.” And that skeptical 108-year-old lady would agree, art dominates her life.

 

—Sold, 2019.11.23 | 已售

 

WHAT IS HEALING?

 

Healing is not treatment but the process of transformation: facing our true selves, seeing the emotions and limitations that our past experiences have brought us, and then returning to a naturally happy state of life. Dr. Dipak once said: “When we can uncover our heart and allow the light of happiness to shine, healing is taking place.“

 

—Available, 2019.12.02 | 可出售

 

HOW CAN ART BE HEALING?

 

We all have unresolved wounds or traumas. When we are unbalanced, diseased, damaged or spiritless, how can art help heal us?

—Available, 2019.12.02 | 可出售

 

For me, there seemed always an inner drive forcing me to act. When I couldn’t breathe, I took a walk. When I felt trapped in a tiny square, I went traveling. When I felt lost, I reminded myself to connect with people around me and so reconnect with my self. When I felt empty or horny, I fed my stomach or pleased my body. When I saw a beautiful pattern from a tangled mess, I would smile to add motion to it with my imagination. You might ask, where does such inner drive come from? Well, listen to your inner voice. Be self-aware. Be mindful. Be calm.

—Sold, 2019.11.28 | 已售

—Special wooden box package for shipment, 2019.11 | 个性特制木箱装运

 

IINNOO GALLERY & ELEVATE

 

Once I had this crazy idea to call for an artist like those who called for a marriage in the blind date corners. It impulsively moved me to Shanghai, where I met many artists from many countries. Every time when I visited a gallery or a museum, I felt safe and alive. When having someone to talk to or to listen to, I felt loved. Gratefully, IINNOO Gallery is like my mother bringing me to this art world and Elevate my father watering me to grow. 

—IINNOO Team @ Exhibition: Infinite Repetition, IINNOO Gallery, 2019.03.01 | 《无限循环》开幕展小组合照@黑白之中画廊

—With Elevate Team @ Exhibition: Confront Abstraction, 1929 Art Space, 2019.11.02 | 《抽象对峙》开幕展上与阿黎微忑小组合影@1929艺术空间

 

December 7th, ELEVATE will be hosting a whole day of events at one of the biggest and best theatres in town. And I’m very happy to be involved.

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her fans, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

Last article 上一篇:  My Very First Publication | 平生第一次出版

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！

 

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My Very First Publication | 平生第一次出版

—“The Undiscovered Self”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《未被发现的自我》摄于斯里兰卡

 

“Three year olds can play piano, can paint, can sing, but can three year olds write a novel?”

Thus, the B人BEL editor Luis questioned when he lay out his work on editing my short story – Traditions or Choices – my very first publication.

“三岁的孩子可以弹钢琴，可以画画，可以唱歌，但是三岁的孩子能写小说吗？”

B人BEL杂志编辑Luis在摊开讨论编辑我平生第一次出版的短片小说《传统还是选择》时这样质疑。

—“The Unrecognized You”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《未被认可的你》摄于斯里兰卡

 

Certainly writing a novel is impossible for three year olds, and even for most thirty year olds. I had no idea how to write one in 2014 when I started drafting my first English novel. It was a call like no other –

“Writing is not a ‘career’. There is no salary, no job security, no promotion, no pension, no guarantee of work, no guarantee that anyone will ever notice what you do. Writing is a calling. If you are called, answer. Prepare for a life of intense work at curious hours, likely obscurity and regular self-doubt, punctuated by periods of wonder that somehow make it all worthwhile.”

三岁的孩子当然不可能写小说，甚至绝大部分三十岁的人也不行。2014年在起草我的第一部英语小说时，我还不知道该怎么写。只是很多久远深沉的故事从四面八方推压着我不得不去释放，可以说是绝无仅有的一次内心的呼唤。（如今庆幸自己这么做了，读个段子再激励一下）

有一天，在公园里·····

女：”有三室两厅吗？”

男：”没有！”

女：”有路虎，奥迪吗？”

男：”没有！”

女：”有7位数存款吗？”

男：”没有！”

女：”那你有啥？”

男：”我………”

女转身就要走···

突然男的说：”我是作家”！

女立刻回头抱住男的腰，满脸崇拜的说道：

“你不早说，写作压力这么大，如此辛若，你还没被累死，一定是个潜力股，这就够了！够了！”

——这是2019年度最励志的段子

 

—“The Unheard Story”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《不为人知的故事》摄于斯里兰卡

 

 

For B人BEL Magazine #2 launch information, please click here.

有关B人BEL杂志第二期发行活动信息，请点击这里。

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her fans, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的粉丝们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！

 

Last article 上一篇:  My Very First Exhibition in Life | 平生第一个画展

 

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

 

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Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片

 

My Very First Exhibition in Life | 平生第一个画展

—Pray, 2015.5.1 |《祈祷》

 

Huge THANK YOU to B人BEL for inviting me to be part of this Healing Art Exhibition – one that is involved in the world’s biggest drawing festival: The Big Draw! I pray for the good.

本周末，世界最大的绘画节将首次登陆上海！感谢B人BEL的邀请，让我很荣幸庆祝这个节日的同时有了平生第一个艺术展，翻开了个人历史中新的一页。

Each piece of my artwork is an idea or a catharsis for me. Each one will be the only print in the world, and each one is framed with the best material I could find.

我的每副作品将都是世界独一无二的，且每副作品选材包装也将是最好的。因为无论是思想的挣扎还是情感的宣泄，那个拉长的过程是无法用世俗的金钱来衡量的。希望大家可以用心用爱用你们的亲身经历与我一起融入到一个无声胜有声的世界。

Never could I imagine that my “random” sketches would be exhibited today. Gratefully I am hoping to share my courage and my luck with those who are in need. I determine to set all price for my artworks with my two lucky numbers like this:

1730rmb –

“1” – my first time exhibition | 代表我的第一个艺术展
“7+3” – my two lucky numbers make a perfect ten.
“0” – an innovative circle that will constantly remind me where and how I started it.

我从未想过在2015年受压抑的那段时间所“胡画”的一些素描竟然会在今天展出。谢天谢地谢大家！我希望与那些需要帮助的人分享我的勇气和运气。我下决心将我所有的作品都用我的两个幸运数字 3&7 来定价。这就成了一个十全十美的十，一个永恒创新的圆，一个不断提醒我回归生命最开始的地方。

—The full list of The 2019 Big Draw Festival |2019绘画节艺术活动清单

“Since 2001, The Big Draw Festival has been promoting the universal language of drawing as a tool for learning, expression and invention.

The Big Draw绘画节从2001年起就一直在推广绘画这种通用语言，并将其作为一种学习，发明和自我表达的工具。”

For more information, please click B人BEL’s article here.

更多信息，请点击这里阅读B人BEL相关文章。

Last article 上一篇: Ashamed or Proud? | 羞耻还是自豪？

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

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Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

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Ashamed or Proud? | 羞耻还是自豪？

—“Ashamed or Proud?”, Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《羞耻还是自豪》摄于马来西亚

 

Why would we feel ashamed when we haven’t done anything wrong? For being poor? For being born in a poor family? For being born a tiny creature in a poor family? 

我们没有做错事，为什么会感到羞耻呢？因为贫穷？因为出生在一个贫穷的家庭？因为与生俱来我们就是个不起眼的弱小生物？

“Weirdos”. Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《怪人》摄于马来西亚

These are half of the pieces of feedback I received on my last article Bumps. They are categorized into two groups: Westerners & Easterners.

 

以下是来自读者对上篇文章《颠簸》所作反馈的一半内容，分为两部分：西方人和东方人。

 

 

-Westerners 西方人-

 

 

 

Interestingly, more women feel vulnerable in silence than men. More interestingly, we don’t even hear these stories from men. Believable or unbelievable? There are far more true stories to write than fantasies to create.

有趣的是，与男性相比，更多女性在沉默中感到脆弱。更有趣的是，我们甚至很少从男人那听到类似《颠簸》的故事。可信还是难以置信？我们的身边有那么多真实的故事可以写，却有那么多人绞尽脑汁去创造一些遥远的幻想。为什么？

 

 

-Easterners 东方人-

 

 

From being ashamed to being proud, is like a revolutionary moment of fearlessness.

从羞耻到自豪，像是一个无畏的革命性的冲锋时刻。

 

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her fans, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的粉丝们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！

 

Last article 上一篇:  Bumps | 颠簸

 

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

 

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Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

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Bumps | 颠簸

—Frightened, 2015.5.12 | 《害怕》

 

“Little shit, useless! Little shit, useless!”

My father would shout this when he beat me with a dustpan – my earliest memory. He hated me being born as a dwarf, particularly a female one. He didn’t stop beating me until one day he almost beat my mother to death.

 

—Patriarchy, 2015.5.20 | 《父权社会》

 

Influenced by such violence in a patriarchal family, where all parents favored a boy over a girl, my brother also liked bullying me. He learned to beat me till one day he was scared when he cut my forearm deep with a scar.

 

—Scar, 2015.7.9 | 《伤痕》

—The Scar, 2019.10.19 | 《那道疤痕》

 

Years of my mother staying unwell in bed gave me more chance to do farm work, housework and take care of two young sisters. And that somehow made me useful in my father’s eye.

 

—Family, 2015.5.13 | 《家庭》

 

When mother got better, I started school at ten. Things were fine till Grade Five when my Chinese teacher doubted my writing, “Have you copied this from an Essay Book?” I said no. He then left a striking red mark: Whether or not you have cribbed your article off a book, you know the best! 

 

—Vulnerability, 2015.5.12 | 《脆弱》

—My private Shenzhen library built from a dormitory window that liked receiving wind and rain uninvited, 2013.9 | 《我的深圳私人藏书屋》

 

The irony was that I didn’t even have a book. To prove myself, I insisted on joining a writing competition, which no one believed I should. In the end I won First Prize in the whole district. I thought that would make people look at me differently, but it didn’t. Their silence was confusing.

 

—Confusion, 2015.4.17 | 《困惑》

 

Nonetheless, I kept studying hard and being a good student. This didn’t change until a kidney stone that almost needed surgery in high school made me start wondering: What was the point of being good? What had good writing done for me? Why should I meet an expectation that was not mine? Why not just listen to myself?

 

—Be Wild, 2015.3.18 | 《自然野》

 

Therefore I half listened to my father about becoming a teacher. But behind his back I chose Hainan Island for my college life. This was strongly against his wishes because it was too far away. For days, he didn’t sleep or eat much. At last, he gave me a thick roll of thirty-eight hundred cash and told me with red wet eyes, “This is all I have. Don’t come home until you can afford it.” 

 

—Father, 2015.4.25 | 《父亲》

 

I assured him, “Don’t worry. The school offers a five-thousand loan every year.” 

But I could never tell him that the loan was a lie. How could I?

 

—My grandfather’s Medal Awarded From the Korea War, 1954 | 《爷爷的抗美援朝纪念章》

 

Owing half my tuition fees, I had to constantly take different part-time jobs. Yet my salary was never enough to pay off my debt. When the time came to register for the second year, the administrator refused me unless I paid off everything. Accordingly I showed him these two things: “Look, this is my grandfather’s medal awarded from the Korea War and his Military Certificate authorized by the renowned General Chen Yi. It clearly says, ‘His family get preferential treatment.’”

 

—My grandfather’s Military Certificate, 1951 | 《爷爷的革命军人证明书：司令员 陈毅》

 

“Is he still alive?” He sneered.

“No… please!” I suddenly knelt down. “My grandfather had fought many wars and sacrificed a lot. He had become crippled and deaf, and almost been killed on the battlefield. His greatest wish was to see me graduate from college.”

“Your grandpa is dead. What’s the use of all this?”

 

—Sob, 2015.7.7 | 《哭诉》

 

I got up slowly, pulling myself together. I began to make phone calls and borrow money. This made me sick. When I asked for a raise after three years of working for my first company, the boss killed me as a chicken to scare the monkey. And later in the second company, I found my basic salary had been underpaid for six months. What the hell made people do that to me?

 

—Mankind, 2015.5.6 | 《人》

 

Unhesitatingly I quit my full-time job to chase my writing dream. Had I not been framed by a world where the colors are drawn by child abuse, sexist bullies, social suspicions and human unkindness, would I struggle even now to tell the bumps of my life stories?

 

—A Framed Life, 2015.7.11 | 《一个被设限的生命》

 

I’m not going to ask ‘Why me?’. Because it is not just me. It is a bunch of mes. But what bumps do you have and what impacts do they have on you?

 

—Hope, 2015.7.5 | 《希望》

 

Note: This is something that I can never feel comfortable to talk to anyone, but Toastmasters gave me courage and strength to make it a speech. You can read the original post here.

 

—Shanghai Leadership TMC Still Drives Me Crazy, 2019.10.19 | 《上海头马依旧让我痴狂》

 

Related article：Transformations

Last article 上一篇: LEADERSHIP’S GOT TALENT | LGT

 

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently living in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

---

 

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Leadership’s Got Talent | LGT

 

America’s Got Talent | AGT. Britain’s Got Talent| BGT. China’s got Talent | CGT. And LGT? Leadership’s Got Talent!

 

— The Talented Singer Alvin, 2019.9.11

 

We have talented heroes on or off the stage, sung and unsung. We have talented singers like Alvin, who no matter what wouldn’t be bribed to sing for other clubs but only Leadership, and who deserves a proper credit for my speech title LGT.

 

— The Talented Sharing Masters, 2019.9.11

We have talented Sharing Masters who are not only talented in mastering a speech but also talented in managing a successful life. And when the masters stand in the same line receiving awards, look, what happens? They are as happy as children on Children’s Day.

 

— The Talented Speakers & Gossipers, 2019.8.24

 

We have talented speakers and gossipers. During the meeting, we have rules and are hatefully tied to the Four Taboos. After the meeting, we run wild free and gossip whatever we like. We even gossiped about a naked pizza. Of course, the one who mentioned it in the first place, would be forever respectfully remembered as the most talented gossiper and leader.

 

— The Talented Gang Family, 2019.8.24

We have talented leaders, members and guests, who are like a big family in this room and a gang of youths outdoors. Special warning! The talented gang members don’t attack the weak. But they do attack the media with a flag, especially their gang leader. When he played an ancient prostitute, he attacked the audiences with his talented seduction and killed them all with their own laughter.

 

 

— The Talented Players & Makers, 2019.8.25

We have talented players and makers, who are serious about making a pottery teacup and play hard in kayaking as well as getting wet. Oh, no, not just physically wet, but mentally they drown themselves in the laughing tears.

 

 

— The Talented Problem Solvers, 2019.8.24

 

 

We have talented problem solvers. When we are lost, we take photos. When we are bored, we take selfies. When we behave like the anti-social club devils, we pose like one. And when we are grounded in a sailing boat by a tree trunk, we entertain ourselves by taking photos of us in turns. We never have a problem to smile. We are so talented in throwing ourselves in the camera frame that our two excellent outing guides Susan & Eric couldn’t but give us all the best shot.

 

— The Talented Life Enthusiasts I, 2019.8.24

We have talented life enthusiasts, such as the colorfully and tastefully fantastic beer provider Sky, who is a selfless man keeping showing up in our club yet working and living in Wuxi, Jiangsu Province. 

 

— The Talented Life Enthusiasts II, 2019.8.24

 

We have talented learners, doers and foodies. We have talented jumpers. We have talented KTV singers. We have talented practitioners who love doing the splits. We have talented improvisers like Dongmei expressing her love to Eric during the Dare Game hosted by Susan. We have talented coaches including Sky, who taught me how to kayak. We have talented hoppers who were lucky enough to carry the wettest lady of the day.

 

We have talented fish catchers, arrow shooters, pole climbers, pole dancers, hidden laughers and cheeky babes.

 

— The Talented Dancer Eva, 2019.8.24

— The Talented Chef Fanghua, 2019.8.24

 

We have talented professional dancers and talented international chefs. Particularly Eva taught us some sexy moves and Fanghua roasted the whole lamb.

 

— The Talented Photographers, 2019.8.25

 

We have many talented photographers, who like being anonymous. They open a window for more talented people to explore a world around us and a world within us.

 

 

We are the world. We are the leaders. We know Leadership’s Got Talent. LGT!

 

 

— The 2019 Leadership Outing Poster by Hally Yu

— Leadership’s Acknowledgement of Susan & Eric to Youxiake Travel Agency

Note: This article is mainly initiated for the 2019 Shanghai Leadership Outing event.

Last article 上一篇: Writer’s Block 创作灵感障碍

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently living in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

---

 

Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

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Writer’s Block

—Dancing in the Dark, 2015.7.10 | 《在黑暗中跳舞》

 

Imagine your head is empty and you are facing a blank wall. What conversations can you possibly have?

 

—Fashion, 2015.5.17 |《时尚》

 

In the first half year of 2015, my brain was erased. I couldn’t read or write. Nor could I communicate with anyone, including myself. The only word that kept scratching my skull was “curse”. You might ask, what curse? What happened?

 

—Torture, 2015.5.16 |《痛楚》

 

It was about my younger and only brother. When we were little, we already believed that the only hope to escape from poverty was to climb out of the mountains, go to a college and work in a city. And we did. He has everything that many Chinese people long to have – a stable career as an official Shenzhen teacher, a house, a car and a lovely child. But he has a drama-queen wife, or should I say, an ex-wife? Honestly I don’t know. They got divorced a year ago and now they seem to be together again. For what? I really don’t understand their love if there is love and their marriage if there is still one. Just like I never understood how she could storm into his class, slap his face in front of his students and argue with his headmaster, just for a Taobao password? Even when they just started a relationship? And how she could call the police one morning when he couldn’t drive her to work because he himself was running late? Don’t you think that is too ridiculous?

 

—Pray, 2015.5.1 |《祈祷》

 

Almost every goddamn time, when I heard or witnessed something, it was all like a chicken fighting against a dog with no peace. How could my brother tolerate such a ridiculous woman over and over? What exactly has he seen that is so good in her? Does he actually love her? Is love really a bitch?

 

—The Dream Police, 2015.5.3 |《理想的警察》

 

I asked him these questions during Spring Festival of 2015 after she had smashed glasses all over the place. But he kept silent. His silence made me feel that his marriage was a curse. And the curse almost crushed me. I became depressed.

 

—Man & Science, 2015.5.4 |《人与科学》

 

Worse, the following month of not being able to write a single word scared me. The fear urged me to make a move. On Feb 28^th, the same year, I traveled to Sri Lanka. Like magic, when I was using the toilet in the first hotel, a strange face popped out between my feet. I took a long look. The face became more and more vivid. I couldn’t help sketching it, and made it the very first drawing of my life: The Left Eye.

 

—The Left Eye – my very first drawing, 2015.2.28 | 平生第一幅速写：《左眼》

 

 

From then on, I started seeing faces everywhere and kept sketching them for months. Here are some of them.

 

—Queue In China, 2015.5.8 |《在中国排队》

 

At this point, I still couldn’t read or write. But luckily I could speak to nature when traveling and talk to some strangers on the road. They mostly encouraged me by sharing their stories or listening to mine. And, one of them actually pointed out that I was experiencing so-called Writer’s Block.

 

—Writer’s Block, 2015.4.29 |《创作灵感障碍》

 

I started searching it online. The more information I gathered, the less fear I had. Gradually, the wall of my mind cracked. I came to understand the reason why I had this writer’s block was not only because I had depression, but also because I was ignorant of the fear. As soon as I knew what was happening to me, in July, I could read and write again. This assured me: depression is temporary, writer’s block is temporary.

 

—Half Man Half Beast, 2015.5.9 |《半人半兽》

 

But do you find it easier to talk to someone you don’t know at all than to someone you know very well? Why? Why does it feel easier to chat in a shared taxi when you are traveling together but not looking each other? Why is it more difficult to have a conversation with yourself than with strangers? Are you afraid of a new place in a distant land or more afraid of the unknown possibilities in your imagination?

 

About Heather Cai:

 

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently living in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

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