Only a Decade

—“The Ring of a Decade”, Shanghai, 2019.12 | 《圈里圈外》摄于上海

 

“You are too short to teach.”

 

—“The View in a Classroom”, Shanghai, 2019.10 | 《教室一隅》摄于上海

 

A tall interviewer called me off the stage when I had just given my name. He gestured at me as if he was giving the death penalty. Teaching was the only iron rice bowl that would fit my circumstances. Now what was I supposed to do?

 

—“Teaching Kids Chess”, Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》樊老师摄于上海

 

Days before the 2009 Spring Festival, I desperately paid an agent who guaranteed me a teaching job. On Chinese New Year’s Eve, I took a smelly night train from Hainan to Guangzhou. It was a nightmare. I slept standing against a strange shoulder in the crowd without any awareness. Everyone was leaning against each other, except those who could afford a seat.

 

—“Teaching Kids Chess”, Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》樊老师摄于上海

 

The nightmare worsened when I arrived at a suburban dormitory provided by the agency. There were twelve bunk beds in a room and twelve people shared the same shower with a single toilet. Two days later, the toilet blocked. The shitty water ran all over the place. It smelled really good. No plumber would come till after the Spring Festival. Thus the daily instant noodles had no smell.

 

—“Teaching Kids Chess”, Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》朱老师摄于上海

 

This pushed me to get a job sooner. But they all rejected me for the same reason – my small size and my weak appearance. Not until one month later did I find a school that was calling for half-pay volunteers. I took it immediately.

 

—“Watching Sunset”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《看日落》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

The school was the Migrant Workers’ Children School in Shantou City. It looked like a small factory, but it had a nice cozy feel. There were seven classrooms for seven grades of students. All desks and chairs were blue plastic. All teachers were either retired or fresh graduates. At 5pm every day, we would each carry a bucket of hot water to the toilet and together stand on the squat for a quick shower. Of course, the sexes were separate.

 

—“Observing Series I”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列一》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

During the first week, two school buses took us to the three main areas where most of the workers lived. We gave them handouts like a communist would hold a farmer’s hands in the Mao era. There was a fascination in that, on the bus, I was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and, off the bus, I was experiencing a meditative moment of walking into the irregularly shabby tents that were home to them. Especially the moment when a woman bent over the waste digging gold with her face covered by flies.

 

—“Observing Series II”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列二》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

This sight motivated me to teach more responsibly and to seek more diversities in life. I noticed that the parents smiled often and the children were happy. I found my students’ neat resonant reading voices tranquilly peaceful. I was totally drawn by these books in Chinese: The Interpretation of Dreams and The Second Sex. Meantime I focused my weekends on writing my Chinese novel – An Oasis in Wasteland.

 

—“Observing Series III”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列三》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

Life then was fulfilled with originality and simplicity. I had such complete satisfaction that I felt no ending was needed by my Chinese novel. It was a perfect year of teaching. The perfection nurtured me as an oasis of spirituality. I was inspired to experience more.

 

—“Observing Series IV”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列四》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

Therefore I moved to Shenzhen, working in sales till I quit to write two English novels within four years. I then came to Shanghai out of curiosity and tried to sell insurance. I stumbled into the art world.

 

—“To Be Remembered”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《学生留念》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

However, my family claimed that I was absolutely wrong. They repeated it during my August family trip morning, noon and night. Their biting criticisms almost crushed me. I had to compromise with the idea of returning to education. Actually it felt more like the sand in my hourglass was running out and it was time to start over.

 

—“To Be Remembered”, Shantou, 2009.12 | 《学生留念》摄于汕头民工子弟学校

 

Now I’m officially working for New Stage English and teaching international chess at different international schools. Because of this job, I have seen remote parts of Shanghai that I would never have visited.

 

—“I Love China”, Shanghai, 2019.12.25 | 《我爱中国》摄于上海青浦世外国际幼儿园

 

All this happened from 2009 to 2019. It is only a decade. Only a circle. How would you like to begin a new life, if you happen to be at the starting line?

 

 

Last article 上一篇: Our Pressures | 我们的压力

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！

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Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片

Our Pressures | 我们的压力

— All PPT images from Bing, | 所有PPT图片来自网络

 

What is Pecha Kucha?

Pecha Kucha, “the sound of conversation” or “chit-chat” in Japanese, is a visual presentation style with automatically changing slides for 20 seconds each. It started in Tokyo in 2003, designed by architects, Astrid Klein and Mark Dytham. In a similar way to a Haiku poem, Pecha Kucha forces the creator to creatively arrange their message within a strict form. And such creativity often produces amazing results. —(Bing)

 

什么是Pecha Kucha？

Pecha Kucha 即“喋喋不休”或“闲聊”。2003年始创于日本东京，由建筑师Astrid Klein 和 Mark Dytham联合设计。它是一种快节奏的视觉呈现方式，演讲者给观众展示自动播放的幻灯片，每幅图仅有20秒的解说时间。类似俳句，Pecha Kucha迫使演讲者在严格把控的形式上创造性地去组织传递信息。这种创造力通常会产生惊人的结果。

 

 

Why are we talking about something that has nothing to do with our pressures? Because pressure is something tense, but presenting it in Pecha Kucha style was fun. I did it in Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club on August 28th, 2019.

为什么我们要谈论这个Pecha Kucha与压力无关的东西？因为压力让人精神紧绷，但用Pecha Kucha的方式来解说压力就感觉有趣多了。2019年8月28日，我在上海头马演讲舞台上体验过。

This month (August) my family told me that chasing my writing dream is a shame and a sin. My mother cried when my father said working for art is washing the toilet. Their voices still echo in my ears, and I began to sink into the black sea of life pressure, work pressure and peer pressure.

这个月（八月份），我家人告诉我追逐写作梦想是一种耻辱和罪孽。当我父亲说创作艺术就是洗厕所时，我母亲哭了。他们的声音还在我耳边回荡，我开始沉入生活压力、工作压力和同辈压力的一片黑暗海洋。

 

 

Living alone in the magic city of Shanghai, with a fast-paced lifestyle, daily crowds and monthly bills, it is unavoidable to face some difficult problems. Don’t you agree? For me, I often feel time is a knife pointing at my back, and I have to struggle to survive.

独自生活在上海大魔都，每天面对超快节奏的生活方式、拥挤的人潮和每月的账单，是不是让人喘不过气来？时间就像一把刀，老顶着我的背，我必须挣扎才能生存。

 

 

Almost every day during my last family trip, my parents, uncles and aunts would repeat the same thing. “You will end up begging on the street if you keep writing.” Can you imagine the horror in their eyes? 

上次与家人度假期间，几乎每天，我的家人亲戚都会重复同样的事情。”如果你继续写下去，你就会落败街头乞讨。” 能想象他们眼中的恐惧吗？

 

 

“Everyone is getting married. Why not you?” my family asked a million times. I kept silent. They have social pressure from the folks around them. They invited several each day for lunch or dinner, and they talked about me. The more they talked, the more face my family lost, and the more peer pressure they had.

“所有人都结婚了，为什么你还没有？” 我家人问了千万遍。我沉默不语。他们要面对周围的人给他们带来的社会压力。他们每天都邀请不同的人来家里做客吃饭，而我成了他们餐桌上必聊的那道菜。他们聊的越多，我家人感觉越丢脸，所面临的同辈压力也越大。

 

 

A Peer Group is a social group whose members have interests, social positions, and age in common. Peer Pressure is the influence exerted by a peer group, encouraging individuals to change their attitudes, values, or behavior in order to conform to group norms. —（Bing)

同龄群体是一个有着共同年龄、兴趣和身份的社会群体。同辈压力是指同龄群体给个体施加的影响，鼓励个人改变自己的行为、态度或价值观，以符合团体规范。

 

 

Well, peer pressure might influence you in a number of ways, including fashion choices, alcohol and drug use, decisions to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, choice of who your friends can be, and your daily life. Which one has affected you?

其实，同辈压力可能会影响你的方方面面，包括时尚选择、酗酒、吸毒、找对象、交朋友，以及你的日常生活。哪一个影响你最深？

 

 

Now we know people who give in to peer pressure often become psychologically weak. How to resist then? Two ways: build a positive self-image and learn to say “NO”. Don’t follow your friends blindly. Be inspired and inspire others.

 

既然我们已经知道，屈服于同辈压力的人往往在心理上变得软弱。那怎么抵抗呢？有两种方法：树立积极的自我形象，学会说“不”。不要盲目地跟随你的朋友。激发自己，激励他人。

 

 

I live for writing. I enjoy traveling. I like socializing and fashion. I like being independent and curious. I like pleasing myself. I might even like the pain of giving birth to a baby. But I never like following others or copying their lives. I wonder if the more you fight, the more peer pressure you would face?

我喜欢写作、旅行、社交、时尚和独立。我喜欢新鲜事物。我喜欢取悦自己。我甚至可能喜欢生孩子的痛。但我从来不喜欢跟随别人或照搬他们的生活。我纳闷是不是人越抵抗挣扎，面临的同辈压力就越大？

 

 

With peer pressure or social pressure, how to balance life and work? Do you plan ahead? Do you keep a journal to reduce your stress? Do you have the courage to chase your dream job and your dream life? Or are you sacrificing your time for something you don’t really want?

面对同辈压力和社会压力，如何平衡工作与生活？你有提前计划吗？你有写日记来减压吗？你有勇气追求你的理想工作和你的理想生活吗？还是在为那些你完全不想要的牺牲你宝贵的时间？

 

 

If you are stressed, what would you normally do? Would you first take care of yourself? Would you be adaptable and flexible, like bamboo – bending but not breaking? Now circumstances tell me to become a teacher again, but this only makes me work harder on my dreams.

如果有压力，你通常会做什么？你会先照顾好自己吗？你会像竹子一样灵活适应吗？现在处境告诉我不得不回归教育，但这只会让我更加努力地去追求梦想。

 

 

Pressure is a force. If we can handle our pressures properly, we can turn them into a good force. As Yuda said, “May the force be with you!” And be yourself! Don’t change but embrace all the pressures. So the right people will like the real you.

压力是一种外在驱使的力量。如果我们能妥善面对我们的压力，我们就能把压力变成一股好的力量。就像Yuda说的，“愿你的力量与你同在！” 做你自己！不要改变！拥抱所有的压力，对的人会喜欢那个真正的你。

 

—“Inclusion or Exclusion”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《排斥或包容》摄于斯里兰卡

 

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her friends, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的朋友们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！

Last article 上一篇:  How Can Art Be Healing | 艺术如何疗愈

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！

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Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片

How Can Art Be Healing

— A test says my spiritual age is 108 years old and my psychological age 48,

 

For once, let me pretend to be that skeptical 108-year-old lady, who doesn’t care about national boundaries, religion, politics, class, race, color, language, gender and age. Pretend that this is self-experimentation. You open up to yourself in the dark. Your body melts into nothingness and your soul wanders freely. If you see your true self floating like a white dot, you might appreciate art. If art is the ultimate lifestyle of human beings, art is universal.

—“Layers of Us”, Shanghai, 2019.11.29 | 《层次不同的我们》摄于上海

—“Shades of Us”, Shanghai, 2019.11.29 | 《深浅不一的我们》摄于上海

 

That skeptical 108-year-old lady is fascinated by anything relating to people, like human touch and human nature. She believes that knowing what we are is essential for knowing what art is, and reflecting on what we’ve gone through is necessary for reflecting on why art is powerful. She also believes that understanding hurt people with empathy is helpful in understanding what healing is, and exploring the true self is vital in exploring how art can be healing. 

 

—The Healing Art Exhibition, 2019.11.16 | 平生第一个艺术展

 

WHAT IS ART?

 

Wikipedia says, “Art is a diverse range of human activities in creating visual, auditory or performing artifacts, expressing the author’s imaginative, conceptual ideas, or technical skill, intended to be appreciated for their beauty or emotional power.” But what do the illiterate farmers and that skeptical 108-year-old lady think of art?

—Sold, 2019.11.19 | 已售

 

Like my father, farmers might say art is bullshit. For they don’t have the concept of art and so understand life more pragmatically. However, that skeptical 108-year-old lady thinks art is everywhere, even in the hands of the farmers. She thinks farmers have been creating natural artworks in all seasons, such as cultivating rice terraces, without learning about art. She thinks farmers lack knowledge but not feelings, they lack opportunities but not talent. She sees art as the unseen turmoil behind happiness or beauty before chaos.

—Available, 2019.12.02 | 可出售

 

WHY IS ART POWERFUL?

 

Someone once said, “Of all the things in the world, I’d argue that Art, in its many forms, is the most inspirational. Art has a phenomenal ability to make us feel understood, empowered, and less alone.” And that skeptical 108-year-old lady would agree, art dominates her life.

 

—Sold, 2019.11.23 | 已售

 

WHAT IS HEALING?

 

Healing is not treatment but the process of transformation: facing our true selves, seeing the emotions and limitations that our past experiences have brought us, and then returning to a naturally happy state of life. Dr. Dipak once said: “When we can uncover our heart and allow the light of happiness to shine, healing is taking place.“

 

—Available, 2019.12.02 | 可出售

 

HOW CAN ART BE HEALING?

 

We all have unresolved wounds or traumas. When we are unbalanced, diseased, damaged or spiritless, how can art help heal us?

—Available, 2019.12.02 | 可出售

 

For me, there seemed always an inner drive forcing me to act. When I couldn’t breathe, I took a walk. When I felt trapped in a tiny square, I went traveling. When I felt lost, I reminded myself to connect with people around me and so reconnect with my self. When I felt empty or horny, I fed my stomach or pleased my body. When I saw a beautiful pattern from a tangled mess, I would smile to add motion to it with my imagination. You might ask, where does such inner drive come from? Well, listen to your inner voice. Be self-aware. Be mindful. Be calm.

—Sold, 2019.11.28 | 已售

—Special wooden box package for shipment, 2019.11 | 个性特制木箱装运

 

IINNOO GALLERY & ELEVATE

 

Once I had this crazy idea to call for an artist like those who called for a marriage in the blind date corners. It impulsively moved me to Shanghai, where I met many artists from many countries. Every time when I visited a gallery or a museum, I felt safe and alive. When having someone to talk to or to listen to, I felt loved. Gratefully, IINNOO Gallery is like my mother bringing me to this art world and Elevate my father watering me to grow. 

—IINNOO Team @ Exhibition: Infinite Repetition, IINNOO Gallery, 2019.03.01 | 《无限循环》开幕展小组合照@黑白之中画廊

—With Elevate Team @ Exhibition: Confront Abstraction, 1929 Art Space, 2019.11.02 | 《抽象对峙》开幕展上与阿黎微忑小组合影@1929艺术空间

 

December 7th, ELEVATE will be hosting a whole day of events at one of the biggest and best theatres in town. And I’m very happy to be involved.

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her fans, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

Last article 上一篇:  My Very First Publication | 平生第一次出版

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！

 

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Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

                                关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片

My Very First Publication | 平生第一次出版

—“The Undiscovered Self”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《未被发现的自我》摄于斯里兰卡

 

“Three year olds can play piano, can paint, can sing, but can three year olds write a novel?”

Thus, the B人BEL editor Luis questioned when he lay out his work on editing my short story – Traditions or Choices – my very first publication.

“三岁的孩子可以弹钢琴，可以画画，可以唱歌，但是三岁的孩子能写小说吗？”

B人BEL杂志编辑Luis在摊开讨论编辑我平生第一次出版的短片小说《传统还是选择》时这样质疑。

—“The Unrecognized You”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《未被认可的你》摄于斯里兰卡

 

Certainly writing a novel is impossible for three year olds, and even for most thirty year olds. I had no idea how to write one in 2014 when I started drafting my first English novel. It was a call like no other –

“Writing is not a ‘career’. There is no salary, no job security, no promotion, no pension, no guarantee of work, no guarantee that anyone will ever notice what you do. Writing is a calling. If you are called, answer. Prepare for a life of intense work at curious hours, likely obscurity and regular self-doubt, punctuated by periods of wonder that somehow make it all worthwhile.”

三岁的孩子当然不可能写小说，甚至绝大部分三十岁的人也不行。2014年在起草我的第一部英语小说时，我还不知道该怎么写。只是很多久远深沉的故事从四面八方推压着我不得不去释放，可以说是绝无仅有的一次内心的呼唤。（如今庆幸自己这么做了，读个段子再激励一下）

有一天，在公园里·····

女：”有三室两厅吗？”

男：”没有！”

女：”有路虎，奥迪吗？”

男：”没有！”

女：”有7位数存款吗？”

男：”没有！”

女：”那你有啥？”

男：”我………”

女转身就要走···

突然男的说：”我是作家”！

女立刻回头抱住男的腰，满脸崇拜的说道：

“你不早说，写作压力这么大，如此辛若，你还没被累死，一定是个潜力股，这就够了！够了！”

——这是2019年度最励志的段子

 

—“The Unheard Story”, Sri Lanka, 2015.3 | 《不为人知的故事》摄于斯里兰卡

 

 

For B人BEL Magazine #2 launch information, please click here.

有关B人BEL杂志第二期发行活动信息，请点击这里。

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her fans, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的粉丝们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！

 

Last article 上一篇:  My Very First Exhibition in Life | 平生第一个画展

 

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

 

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Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures

关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片

 

Ashamed or Proud? | 羞耻还是自豪？

—“Ashamed or Proud?”, Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《羞耻还是自豪》摄于马来西亚

 

Why would we feel ashamed when we haven’t done anything wrong? For being poor? For being born in a poor family? For being born a tiny creature in a poor family? 

我们没有做错事，为什么会感到羞耻呢？因为贫穷？因为出生在一个贫穷的家庭？因为与生俱来我们就是个不起眼的弱小生物？

“Weirdos”. Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《怪人》摄于马来西亚

These are half of the pieces of feedback I received on my last article Bumps. They are categorized into two groups: Westerners & Easterners.

 

以下是来自读者对上篇文章《颠簸》所作反馈的一半内容，分为两部分：西方人和东方人。

 

 

-Westerners 西方人-

 

 

 

Interestingly, more women feel vulnerable in silence than men. More interestingly, we don’t even hear these stories from men. Believable or unbelievable? There are far more true stories to write than fantasies to create.

有趣的是，与男性相比，更多女性在沉默中感到脆弱。更有趣的是，我们甚至很少从男人那听到类似《颠簸》的故事。可信还是难以置信？我们的身边有那么多真实的故事可以写，却有那么多人绞尽脑汁去创造一些遥远的幻想。为什么？

 

 

-Easterners 东方人-

 

 

From being ashamed to being proud, is like a revolutionary moment of fearlessness.

从羞耻到自豪，像是一个无畏的革命性的冲锋时刻。

 

Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her fans, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的粉丝们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！

 

Last article 上一篇:  Bumps | 颠簸

 

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

 

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Writer’s Block

—Dancing in the Dark, 2015.7.10 | 《在黑暗中跳舞》

 

Imagine your head is empty and you are facing a blank wall. What conversations can you possibly have?

 

—Fashion, 2015.5.17 |《时尚》

 

In the first half year of 2015, my brain was erased. I couldn’t read or write. Nor could I communicate with anyone, including myself. The only word that kept scratching my skull was “curse”. You might ask, what curse? What happened?

 

—Torture, 2015.5.16 |《痛楚》

 

It was about my younger and only brother. When we were little, we already believed that the only hope to escape from poverty was to climb out of the mountains, go to a college and work in a city. And we did. He has everything that many Chinese people long to have – a stable career as an official Shenzhen teacher, a house, a car and a lovely child. But he has a drama-queen wife, or should I say, an ex-wife? Honestly I don’t know. They got divorced a year ago and now they seem to be together again. For what? I really don’t understand their love if there is love and their marriage if there is still one. Just like I never understood how she could storm into his class, slap his face in front of his students and argue with his headmaster, just for a Taobao password? Even when they just started a relationship? And how she could call the police one morning when he couldn’t drive her to work because he himself was running late? Don’t you think that is too ridiculous?

 

—Pray, 2015.5.1 |《祈祷》

 

Almost every goddamn time, when I heard or witnessed something, it was all like a chicken fighting against a dog with no peace. How could my brother tolerate such a ridiculous woman over and over? What exactly has he seen that is so good in her? Does he actually love her? Is love really a bitch?

 

—The Dream Police, 2015.5.3 |《理想的警察》

 

I asked him these questions during Spring Festival of 2015 after she had smashed glasses all over the place. But he kept silent. His silence made me feel that his marriage was a curse. And the curse almost crushed me. I became depressed.

 

—Man & Science, 2015.5.4 |《人与科学》

 

Worse, the following month of not being able to write a single word scared me. The fear urged me to make a move. On Feb 28^th, the same year, I traveled to Sri Lanka. Like magic, when I was using the toilet in the first hotel, a strange face popped out between my feet. I took a long look. The face became more and more vivid. I couldn’t help sketching it, and made it the very first drawing of my life: The Left Eye.

 

—The Left Eye – my very first drawing, 2015.2.28 | 平生第一幅速写：《左眼》

 

 

From then on, I started seeing faces everywhere and kept sketching them for months. Here are some of them.

 

—Queue In China, 2015.5.8 |《在中国排队》

 

At this point, I still couldn’t read or write. But luckily I could speak to nature when traveling and talk to some strangers on the road. They mostly encouraged me by sharing their stories or listening to mine. And, one of them actually pointed out that I was experiencing so-called Writer’s Block.

 

—Writer’s Block, 2015.4.29 |《创作灵感障碍》

 

I started searching it online. The more information I gathered, the less fear I had. Gradually, the wall of my mind cracked. I came to understand the reason why I had this writer’s block was not only because I had depression, but also because I was ignorant of the fear. As soon as I knew what was happening to me, in July, I could read and write again. This assured me: depression is temporary, writer’s block is temporary.

 

—Half Man Half Beast, 2015.5.9 |《半人半兽》

 

But do you find it easier to talk to someone you don’t know at all than to someone you know very well? Why? Why does it feel easier to chat in a shared taxi when you are traveling together but not looking each other? Why is it more difficult to have a conversation with yourself than with strangers? Are you afraid of a new place in a distant land or more afraid of the unknown possibilities in your imagination?

 

About Heather Cai:

 

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently living in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

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This Happened When Mike Reported a Traffic Accident to the Police

When I told the story of my car accident here, there were different voices. Needless to say, making a report to the police is the most favorable. But sometimes what you know about the legal system or the Chinese society is not the same as you would have believed. And this happened to my friend Mike:

 

— Xi’an, Shanxi, 2013.7 | 陕西西安

 

Hello. I’m Mike, an educator and a manager of educators in China for the past 6+ years. It’s been a rewarding experience, one that has allowed me to learn much about Chinese culture, particularly the national language Mandarin. Chi kui is a Mandarin phrase that means “to eat a loss.” And Chi ya ba kui, literally means “to eat a mute person’s loss,” or to suffer losses or grievances in silence. I found myself with a new appreciation for this phrase recently, when as a cyclist I was involved in a traffic accident in which the other party ran a red light and collided with me, giving me a concussion and a shoulder injury—and I wound up having to pay him. If this sounds unbelievable or insane to you, then you can imagine how I feel.

 

—Credit: Google | 图片来自：谷歌

 

For the past 3.5 years, I have been living and working in Kunshan, a city just outside of Shanghai, China. Last October, I rode a shared bike to work as usual. When I approached a green light at an intersection, I saw several jaywalkers crossing from the left side of the road to the right side of the road. Just as I was about to pass safely in front of them, one of the jaywalkers broke into a run, charging into my left side. His head slammed into my left shoulder and knocked me over, hard. My right shoulder slammed into the pavement hardest. My right hip also hit hard, and my head (despite not hitting the ground) was jolted badly enough to leave me with a mild concussion. Amidst shock and adrenaline, I didn’t take note of any pain or injury. The person who tackled me, an older fellow, was sitting on the pavement looking bewildered. In frustration, I yelled at him for his carelessness before getting back on my bike.

 

— Shenzhen, Guangdong, 2016 | 广东深圳

 

Upon arriving, I mentioned the situation to coworkers. My bosses advised me that I must report the accident. We went to the police station. The older fellow had already made a report and had gone to the hospital for a thorough examination. It was later determined that he had broken a bone in his thumb, and this broken bone would require surgery to repair.

 

— Xi’an, Shanxi, 2013.7 | 陕西西安

 

Fortunately, the police were able to obtain video footage of the accident from traffic cameras. This footage confirmed that the accident occurred exactly as I remembered—he was jaywalking, he unexpectedly started running (to catch a bus), and he slammed into me. Unfortunately for me, none of this matters—the legal system favors him. He is older, I am younger. He is a pedestrian, I had a vehicle (even if only a bicycle). His injuries required expensive medical care, mine required time and rest. He is uninsured and has no income, I am apparently rich (or at least that’s the perception of foreigners). His financial damages included the cost of his surgery, his other medical costs, estimated future medical costs, and wages lost from his part-time job. The portion of these damages which I ultimately had to pay amounted to 23,000 RMB, roughly $3300 USD.

 

— Xi’an, Shanxi, 2013.7 | 陕西西安

 

The whole episode felt like a descent into madness. My side of the story mostly fell on deaf ears. I was eventually advised to stop telling it. What if I just stayed quiet, humble, and contrite (although there was nothing to be contrite about)?

 

— Shenzhen, Guangdong, 2016 | 广东深圳

 

Now that it’s over, I am sharing my story to boost awareness among expats. In any case, if some good comes out of this, one way or another, I’ll feel better about the whole situation. Perhaps I’ll ultimately have to chi kui, to eat the loss. I can live with that. But I don’t want to chi ya ba kui, to suffer the loss in silence. Nor should anyone. If you agree, please share.

 

—Credit: Google | 图片来自：谷歌

— Xi’an, Shanxi, 2013.7 | 陕西西安

 

Mike’s story made me wonder, why do the innocent suffer?

— Shenzhen, Guangdong, 2016 | 广东深圳

 

About Heather Cai:

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently living in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

 

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有！

 

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Reflections on a WeChat Moment

The Wechat Moment | Crow’s Solo Exhibition in Shanghai M50 Art Zone, 2019.4.22

 

Me & Crow | Photograph: Shan He, 2019.4.22

 

This speech, inspired by a WeChat Moment I posted recently. Here it is. What do you see? And what do you think of this Moment? Particularly this photo – me & Crow standing on the black feathers in front of his paintings that I like. Doesn’t it look normal to you? Yeah, pretty much. Right?

 

Exhibition Poster, courtesy ART OF CROW

 

But to my family, it is not normal at all. The instant my mum saw this post in the morning she sent me tons of voice messages. “Don’t take a picture with a guy that ‘big’.” “Don’t share in public any man who is not your boyfriend.” “Don’t let a foreigner take advantage of your body.” “Don’t smile like you are having an affair with him.”

 

Crow’s Solo Exhibition, 2019.4.22

 

Oh, isn’t my mum lovely? I adored her sense of humour. She is illiterate, she can only read pictures. If you were me hearing that, how would you react? If it was your mum telling you that, what would you say? Would you think it is absurd? Would you feel it is funny? 

I did.

 

Crow’s Solo Exhibition, 2019.4.22

 

But… but when my old sister called me in the evening and said the same thing, I was shocked. She is half illiterate, as she didn’t have a chance to finish primary school. Undoubtedly she cannot read any English. Imagine her mood when she was asking me these questions – “Why did you take a picture with a guy that old?” “How could you post such a Moment?” “Don’t you think it’s too ugly to be graceful?” “Isn’t it bad for you to find a good husband?” “Do you know the others might take him as your real boyfriend?”

 

What? Wait, wait, wait…

 

Crow’s Solo Exhibition, 2019.4.22

 

All of a sudden, I realized how much I’ve embarrassed my family and what they were worrying about was true. Probably having lived in a big city for a long time, I almost forgot what happened in a tiny village. Who would have thought the small thing in a remote corner can affect your current life in a busy center? Especially a surprising rumor that I didn’t give a damn about?

 

Crow’s Solo Exhibition, 2019.4.22

 

In December 2013, I returned to my home village with my English editor Mike. He wanted to see where I grew up and was keen on taking his children to visit some dying villages on the edge of China. Before they came in the summer of 2014, I took Mike to my birthplace – the first man ever. 

 

The smoking house, my home in Fujian Province, 2014.8

Mike, Kat, Chris & Craig in my home village, Fujian, 2014.8

 

If later no one had spread the rumor that Mike was my boyfriend, with my ignorance and innocence, I could have never understood the fact that when a girl brings a man back to the village, the man must be her husband-to-be. And if my family didn’t remind me of such a fact behind the rumor, I probably wouldn’t be talking about this shit right now. It feels like a shame that was filmed for someone from an alien planet yet my family have been bearing it for me in silence.

 

Details, courtesy ART OF CROW

 

Strangely, wherever I go, that part of my world with those who live under the sky as big as the mouth of a well, never stops haunting me at night.

 

Details, courtesy ART OF CROW

 

And the strangest thing is, now I seem to be consciously aware of not taking a picture with a guy who is not my boyfriend. Can you believe that? I can’t even believe myself. A WeChat Moment begins to miraculously influence a rebellious leftover woman. Is it the power of something almost skeptical or my love for my family? Frankly, I don’t know.

 

Photograph: courtesy Shan He, 2019.4.22

 

Do your family tell you what you should do and what you shouldn’t? Have they criticized anything about your lifestyle? Or are you free to do anything?

 

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 – Art of Crow –

Artistic credo: “You can also paint a song”

 

Crow is a  German painter, rock musician, and performance artist. His paintings and installations are as energetic and passionate as his rock songs, inspired by the natural elements earth, air, fire, and water, and by a wild and free spirit.As the founder, vocalist and songwriter of the Heavy Metal band Medusa`s Child (1999-present), Crow toured through Europe and Asia, and his artwork was exhibited in China, Japan, Switzerland, Finland, Germany, and the USA. Alternating between microphone and brush, Crow follows his artistic credo – “You can also paint a song.“

 

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现代人 The Modern People

—听老家村里唯一一位活了将近百岁的裹脚老奶奶“唠叨” （照片拍摄：Mike, 福建槽坑村，2014.8 | Fujian） A nearly 100-year-old and the only woman Yu with bound-feet in my home village.

 

—西方周游过世界的Mike 与东方从未离过村的裹脚老奶奶之间的对话。 （照片拍摄：Heather, 福建槽坑村，2014.8 | Fujian） A conversation between the western Mike, who has travelled all over the world, and the eastern Yu, who has never left the village.

 

—一双裹脚鞋，摄于美国作家Amanda的深圳公寓，2014 | Writer Amanda’s, Shenzhen

 

请问谁没有听过老一輩的人說，我們那個年代有多苦多苦，現在的人應該懂得知足？

 

—摄于福建寿宁，2014.8 | Shouning Town, Fujian Province

 

時代在突飞猛进，为什么还没有一项科技可以完全消除人类的烦恼呢？

 

—摄于广东深圳，2014.11 | Shenzhen, Guangdong

 

物欲持续横流，钢筋水泥下人心不乏孤独，请问现在的人都在焦虑什么呢？有人会忧国忧民吗？有人感到怀才不遇吗？有人买不到好房好车吗？有人找不到真爱吗？有人认为工作压力太大工作收入太少吗？有人害怕世界末日资源能源快要耗竭吗？有人怀疑社会不公平生活毫无乐趣吗？有人觉得自己太少受关注吗？有人叹息这人生没有目标没有成就感吗？

 

—摄于福建寿宁，2014.8 | Shouning Town, Fujian Province

 

既然人类如此焦虑，那我们跟上时代的步伐了吗？还是跟着时代的机器一个轮子一个齿子的滚着？那我们还算是现代人吗？

 

—摄于福建老家，2013.12 | My home village, Fujian Province

 

维基百科生物学上有提到，現代人類是在約20萬年前的東非大裂谷演化成形的。我很好奇，这20万年到底积淀了人类多少的智慧与烦恼呢？我也很好奇，这20万年过去了，现代人是不是比古代人更聪明呢？请问有谁能够认为自己是铁铮铮的现代人呢？有谁能够站出来称自己是现代社会主义的接班人呢？又有谁能够考虑人类的生存条件而当一名真正的现代人呢？

 

—摄于广东深圳荔枝公园，2014.6 | Litchi Park, Shenzhen

 

半年前，带着这些令人抓狂的问题，我写下了这一篇日记：
彼时的我在生命的长河正顺流醉入声势磅礴的瀑布之中。这纵然一跃是蜕变，也是解开一个千缠百绕的扭结。那扭结缠绕的松紧是人和环境的摩擦与交融。因为一次偶然的机缘，加入大都会后，更觉得环境是自己的血肉之躯，而人就是多巴胺。

 

—摄于福建老家房顶，2013.12 | The rooftop of my home dirt house, Fujian Province

 

在上海一个缘故也没有，却决然选择做保险，就是想要在不可能中创造一种可能！
好比如当初笃定自己一个人死了就死了，不可能会有“杂念”。但自从落地这个大魔都后，发现越是迷恋一座城市，越是向往一种新生活，对求生的欲望就越强，从而危机感便油然而生， 成为了可能。
正是如此，我开始领悟从不可能到可能只要一个想法或观念的转变，开始反思自己过去对保险的无视，开始追问为什么国人都不大爱投保，开始明白为什么国家近年重视保险教育了，也开始相信保险其实能解决社会很多问题。想想，要是人人都有了保障，这个社会不就更安定更和谐了吗？有了保障，还会焦头烂额可怜兮兮的搞轻松筹吗？有了保障，还会怕一个人病塌一个家吗？有了保障，还担心要是顶梁柱倒下了剩下家人该怎么办吗？有了保障，面对风险还会手足无措吗？

 

—摄于广东深圳荔枝公园，2014.6 | Litchi Park, Shenzhen

 

我很喜欢这份工作！它不仅充满爱与责任，让我学到很多东西，认识很多有趣的人，还能在极限中挑战和突破自己，做一些不喜欢做的事情却可以带来意外的惊喜。

 

—摄于福建老家，2013.12 | Inside my home dirt house in Caokeng Village, Fujian Province

 

假如参加活动是一艘帆船要启航了，那认识人就是乘风破浪。这是一次冒险的旅行。旅行的目的就是大胆地传播爱，传播福音，传播正能量。请记住，船长不是倭寇，也不是加勒比海盗，而是一个敬畏生命、连只蚂蚁都舍不得踩的小女人。她的名字叫蔡太莲！

 

—摄于福建老家，2013.12 | My home village, Fujian Province

 

很坦诚的说，历经一个蜕变的过程犹如在一个黑暗的瓶颈里奋力求生。此时此刻，我特别感谢并珍惜跟我见面的人！

 

—福建老家：最左边那栋土房，2013.12 | My home – the left house, Fujian Province

 

记得胡适先生有说过：“保险的意义只是今天做明天的准备；生时做死时的准备；父母做儿女的准备；儿女幼时做儿女长大的准备。今天预备明天，这是真稳健；生时预备死时，这是真豁达；父母预备儿女，这是真慈爱。能做到这三步的人，才能算作是现代人。”

 

—摄于广东深圳荔枝公园，2014.6 | Litchi Park, Shenzhen

 

敢问我们究竟有多少人堪称自己是“现代人”呢？

 

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Technical Writing VS Creative Writing

Seaweed Farm. Photo taken in Xiapu, Fujian (2016.12)

 

 

Finishing editing my second English novel In Between felt like a deep breath, and getting the submission package ready is a deeper breath.

Personally and frankly, initiating the synopsis was a hard birth. After doing some research and reading some examples with different genres, the thoughts kept fermenting for days and sometimes fighting annoyingly. There were times it felt like your period is wrong. I had to walk and walk, meditating and cleansing, then abandoning my usual way of thinking, like practicing the sense of direction. I forced myself to be practical for this once. As a result, I became practical and “cold” in doing other things too. Thus time and space, light or night, didn’t matter that much to me. My brain can think like a spider web, but only can move one spider across the star at a time.

Here, after the synopsis is finally done, I proudly represent this comparative table, to purely indulge myself. Wahoo, autumn is embracing. I’m relieved. It is always rewarding when you have seriously learned something new and valuable. 🙂

From Experience
Technical Writing	Creative Writing
Synopsis	In Between
neutral	natural
factual	imaginative
cold-blooded	passionate
heartless	heartfelt
colorless	in colors
tight	flexible
skeleton	plentiful
framed	free
inexpressive	expressive
formal	informal
challenging	enjoyable